You know the little note on the passenger side mirror? The one that says "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear?" I've been thinking about that a lot today. Thinking about my past, distant and recent history, and how my decisions in my past have formed my present and my future. Thinking about how other peoples pasts have made my future what it is. And thinking about how we should mostly let go of our past, but still keep it a little close, for we never know when we need to pull strength from it.
Recently, a friend lost her husband. They were married for many years and had 2 children together. Not only did she lose her best friend, but in an instant she became a single mother. It was unexpected and now she has to pick up the pieces and get on with her life, being strong for her girls. I can't even begin to imagine the pain. Although I was a single mother, Drake's dad is still alive. And although he was never the presence in his life that I wanted and Drake needed him to be, there was always that option.
I am now married to my very best friend. We have been through a lot, and I mean a lot, together. After 4 months of marriage, we were hit by a tornado and ended up living with friends. It could have been much worse, and we were able to move back home about 5 months later. No one was physically hurt, but the emotional scars are there. I am so proud of those scars and wear them with pride. I am thankful for a loving God that kept my family safe, for placing Drake out of harms way when the tree crashed through his room, and for letting me have a stomach virus the night before so that Aubree and Jordan were not here with us. I am also thankful for losing part of my home, for it has made me thankful for my home. Every square inch of it.
For the last year, we have been dealing with crazy schedules, never really knowing what additional days were were going to have the girls, and generally being there for the girls when they were faced with massive changes going on at their moms. This is the first time I have openly said this, but Cliff filed for custody of his kids because he was afraid of the influences they were being faced with at their moms, when they were there. He temporarily has custody of them and we pray each and every day that God's will is to keep the girls with us. Not that we want them to excluded from their mothers life, but unfortunately she has some issues she needs to deal with on her own before causing a traumatic past for the girls. I pray for her every day, and I know God hears my prayers. Now I am praying for her to hear God.
Being a step mom is a hard yet fulfilling thing. Raising someone else's kids, never knowing when you are overstepping your boundaries, while still trying to be a positive role model is a balancing act. Even more so that being a birth parent. When I said "I do" to Cliff, it was more than just to be his wife. It was to be in the girls life, to provide for them as if they were my own, to look out for their well being, and to raise polite young southern ladies who know how to say "yes, ma'am" and "thank you." I went from being single with an almost grown man, to married with 2 toddlers and an adolescent. And I have loved every minute of it.
Today we got rid of some stumps that have been in the yard since the tornado. We could have done it a long time ago but for some reason I never made the call. I think I needed the reminder for just a little while longer. I needed to remember that the past is there for a reason, and it's not too far behind me. For my friend who lost her husband, her past includes a loving father and husband. Who knows what her future holds, but she is very lucky to know that Kevin left a wonderful legacy for her kids. As far as our girls, I can only hope that I do that for them. God doesn't make mistakes, and we don't know why things happen, but our past is what forms us, and God is what molds us. Now the stumps are gone and we have mounds of shavings and dirt. It will take just a little while longer to the Earth to lose the scars of the devastation, but eventually, that will happen. I am thankful for my past. I am thankful for other peoples past. And I am thankful to realize that.
