Mommyca....one of the most endearing terms I know. Aubree, or Boo Boo, couldn't say my name for the longest time. She called me Anca, Onca, or anything else that just kind of came out. Then she started calling me Mommica. It was so sweet. To her, it was just a word, but to me, it was a recognition that she saw me as a mother figure. Once she began calling her mother Mommy, Mommyca was soon to follow.
She knows the difference in us. She knows who her mom is and the place I have in her life. But I am her Mommyca, and I will always be. It's hard when the girls are here, but it's even harder when they go home. Not hearing them laugh, or play, or even fight makes things so quiet. Not that I mind the occasional break, but I don't know a parent in the world that doesn't mind a break from their kids, but there comes a point....about five minutes after they are gone...that you think to yourself, "Well, what do I do now?"
Seventeen years ago, I became a mom, and I have been an "acting" mom to many kids that have come in and out of my life along the way. From kids who's parents worked crazy hours, to kids that really didn't have a stable family life, and even to some of my friends, I have always played Mom. It's what I was born to do, who I was born to be. There is no better job in the world, so if I'm Mom, Momma, Mommy, Anca, Mommica, or Mommyca, I'm somebody to a child and to me, there are not too many things much better.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
My First Ever Blog....EVER!
So now that everyone else in the world has a blog, I guess it's time for me to get in on the action. Actually, after thinking about it for a while, this is a really good place to chronicle the kids lives, and mine as a newlywed and a step mom to three beautiful daughters.
It was last year that my life changed in a way that I never imagined possible. After reconnecting with an old boyfriend, and realizing that it's hard to light an old flame, I re-met someone else from my past. I use that term because, although we knew each other before, our lives never really collided. We had the same friends...in fact one of his closest friends is married to one of my best friends, but apparently the timing of us getting to know each other was never really right. Late on May 4, I got a "FaceBook wall post" that simply said "Happy Birthday." It was my first birthday wish. I happened to be online and responded with a thank you. Over the next couple of days, I thought about that greeting and wondered if he really remembered me. I never had enough self esteem to realize that people actually knew who I was. I always thought I was someone who flew under the radar. He then posed a question on FaceBook "Does a perfect relationship exist?" I answered in the only way I knew possible--that a perfect relationship does exist, but we need to redifine our definition of perfect.
Seeing that we had another mutual friend, my "walking buddy", of course I had to find out all the background. So she and I talked about him while we walked. On May 7th, I got a message from him that started a beautiful friendship. We talked about our past and what we were going through at the time. He has three daughters, and was at the end of a nine year marriage. I have a 16 year old son and had just filed for divorce. I fought hard not to become attracted to him, but it was impossible from the word go. I thought about him day and night. I tried to trick myself into thinking that I actually wanted to see other people, but in actuality, I couldn't wait to get home to call or text him. I know...kind of high schoolish...but I was hooked. My walking buddy arranged a barbeque so that we could hang out with a group, but we couldn't wait. I intived him over for dinner on a Monday and never wanted him to leave. That Thursday, we went on our first date...a shopping trip to find a dress to wear to my niece's rehersal dinner and wedding. We laughed and had a blast, and I knew that I had something special that I needed to take care of.
After my niece's wedding, I was supposed to go hang out with him. I walked out to my vehicle and it won't start. I think to myself, "Well, isn't this wonderful!" So after multiple attempts to get my truck to crank, I finally sent the dreaded text. It simply stated "car trouble." My phone immediately rang. It was him. He was ready to come to my rescue. Of course, all of my family was there, but here was someone that had no obligation to help me that actually wanted to. And I wanted him to. How was I to say no?? So after determining that I have a dead battery and my truck isn't moving, we decided to go back to his house. We talked and laughed and talked and laughed and he took away all the concerns of my abandoned vehicle. In fact, he took away all of my concerns. I felt so relaxed, so "at home." In fact, I have been home ever since. Never in my life have I felt like I belong. In his arms, I know I do.
It was last year that my life changed in a way that I never imagined possible. After reconnecting with an old boyfriend, and realizing that it's hard to light an old flame, I re-met someone else from my past. I use that term because, although we knew each other before, our lives never really collided. We had the same friends...in fact one of his closest friends is married to one of my best friends, but apparently the timing of us getting to know each other was never really right. Late on May 4, I got a "FaceBook wall post" that simply said "Happy Birthday." It was my first birthday wish. I happened to be online and responded with a thank you. Over the next couple of days, I thought about that greeting and wondered if he really remembered me. I never had enough self esteem to realize that people actually knew who I was. I always thought I was someone who flew under the radar. He then posed a question on FaceBook "Does a perfect relationship exist?" I answered in the only way I knew possible--that a perfect relationship does exist, but we need to redifine our definition of perfect.
Seeing that we had another mutual friend, my "walking buddy", of course I had to find out all the background. So she and I talked about him while we walked. On May 7th, I got a message from him that started a beautiful friendship. We talked about our past and what we were going through at the time. He has three daughters, and was at the end of a nine year marriage. I have a 16 year old son and had just filed for divorce. I fought hard not to become attracted to him, but it was impossible from the word go. I thought about him day and night. I tried to trick myself into thinking that I actually wanted to see other people, but in actuality, I couldn't wait to get home to call or text him. I know...kind of high schoolish...but I was hooked. My walking buddy arranged a barbeque so that we could hang out with a group, but we couldn't wait. I intived him over for dinner on a Monday and never wanted him to leave. That Thursday, we went on our first date...a shopping trip to find a dress to wear to my niece's rehersal dinner and wedding. We laughed and had a blast, and I knew that I had something special that I needed to take care of.
After my niece's wedding, I was supposed to go hang out with him. I walked out to my vehicle and it won't start. I think to myself, "Well, isn't this wonderful!" So after multiple attempts to get my truck to crank, I finally sent the dreaded text. It simply stated "car trouble." My phone immediately rang. It was him. He was ready to come to my rescue. Of course, all of my family was there, but here was someone that had no obligation to help me that actually wanted to. And I wanted him to. How was I to say no?? So after determining that I have a dead battery and my truck isn't moving, we decided to go back to his house. We talked and laughed and talked and laughed and he took away all the concerns of my abandoned vehicle. In fact, he took away all of my concerns. I felt so relaxed, so "at home." In fact, I have been home ever since. Never in my life have I felt like I belong. In his arms, I know I do.
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