I haven't written in a while, and as we approach the beginning of a new school year, I figured this was as good a time as any to start over. It has been almost a year since Cliff has had full custody of the kids and they have lived with us full time (officially.) They are growing into independent young ladies although I hear Aubree calling Jordan a "meanie head" as I write this.
Raising three girls is tough. They all like different foods, they all like different things and they are each their own little person. When they play together it sounds like constant bickering, and sometimes I intervene, but I mostly try to let them work their differences out on their own. Dinner time is hard, but we all sit down as a family and have dinner together. I regret not doing that always with Drake, as we would fix our plates and sit in the living room. I may get frustrated at the kids for loving a certain food the last time we ate it to not even wanting to try it the next time, but at least we are eating as a family.
I was recently given an opportunity to work from home. This will save me about 2 hours a day on my commute and probably a couple of hundred dollars a month. It will also give me the opportunity to be home when Katelyn gets home from school, and to try and have dinner fixed before the chaos of fall ball and life in general takes over. I hope it helps to reduce some of the stress we face in out day to day schedules.
While life is sometimes hard, it is always worth it.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Objects in mirror are closer than they appear
You know the little note on the passenger side mirror? The one that says "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear?" I've been thinking about that a lot today. Thinking about my past, distant and recent history, and how my decisions in my past have formed my present and my future. Thinking about how other peoples pasts have made my future what it is. And thinking about how we should mostly let go of our past, but still keep it a little close, for we never know when we need to pull strength from it.
Recently, a friend lost her husband. They were married for many years and had 2 children together. Not only did she lose her best friend, but in an instant she became a single mother. It was unexpected and now she has to pick up the pieces and get on with her life, being strong for her girls. I can't even begin to imagine the pain. Although I was a single mother, Drake's dad is still alive. And although he was never the presence in his life that I wanted and Drake needed him to be, there was always that option.
I am now married to my very best friend. We have been through a lot, and I mean a lot, together. After 4 months of marriage, we were hit by a tornado and ended up living with friends. It could have been much worse, and we were able to move back home about 5 months later. No one was physically hurt, but the emotional scars are there. I am so proud of those scars and wear them with pride. I am thankful for a loving God that kept my family safe, for placing Drake out of harms way when the tree crashed through his room, and for letting me have a stomach virus the night before so that Aubree and Jordan were not here with us. I am also thankful for losing part of my home, for it has made me thankful for my home. Every square inch of it.
For the last year, we have been dealing with crazy schedules, never really knowing what additional days were were going to have the girls, and generally being there for the girls when they were faced with massive changes going on at their moms. This is the first time I have openly said this, but Cliff filed for custody of his kids because he was afraid of the influences they were being faced with at their moms, when they were there. He temporarily has custody of them and we pray each and every day that God's will is to keep the girls with us. Not that we want them to excluded from their mothers life, but unfortunately she has some issues she needs to deal with on her own before causing a traumatic past for the girls. I pray for her every day, and I know God hears my prayers. Now I am praying for her to hear God.
Being a step mom is a hard yet fulfilling thing. Raising someone else's kids, never knowing when you are overstepping your boundaries, while still trying to be a positive role model is a balancing act. Even more so that being a birth parent. When I said "I do" to Cliff, it was more than just to be his wife. It was to be in the girls life, to provide for them as if they were my own, to look out for their well being, and to raise polite young southern ladies who know how to say "yes, ma'am" and "thank you." I went from being single with an almost grown man, to married with 2 toddlers and an adolescent. And I have loved every minute of it.
Today we got rid of some stumps that have been in the yard since the tornado. We could have done it a long time ago but for some reason I never made the call. I think I needed the reminder for just a little while longer. I needed to remember that the past is there for a reason, and it's not too far behind me. For my friend who lost her husband, her past includes a loving father and husband. Who knows what her future holds, but she is very lucky to know that Kevin left a wonderful legacy for her kids. As far as our girls, I can only hope that I do that for them. God doesn't make mistakes, and we don't know why things happen, but our past is what forms us, and God is what molds us. Now the stumps are gone and we have mounds of shavings and dirt. It will take just a little while longer to the Earth to lose the scars of the devastation, but eventually, that will happen. I am thankful for my past. I am thankful for other peoples past. And I am thankful to realize that.
Recently, a friend lost her husband. They were married for many years and had 2 children together. Not only did she lose her best friend, but in an instant she became a single mother. It was unexpected and now she has to pick up the pieces and get on with her life, being strong for her girls. I can't even begin to imagine the pain. Although I was a single mother, Drake's dad is still alive. And although he was never the presence in his life that I wanted and Drake needed him to be, there was always that option.
I am now married to my very best friend. We have been through a lot, and I mean a lot, together. After 4 months of marriage, we were hit by a tornado and ended up living with friends. It could have been much worse, and we were able to move back home about 5 months later. No one was physically hurt, but the emotional scars are there. I am so proud of those scars and wear them with pride. I am thankful for a loving God that kept my family safe, for placing Drake out of harms way when the tree crashed through his room, and for letting me have a stomach virus the night before so that Aubree and Jordan were not here with us. I am also thankful for losing part of my home, for it has made me thankful for my home. Every square inch of it.
For the last year, we have been dealing with crazy schedules, never really knowing what additional days were were going to have the girls, and generally being there for the girls when they were faced with massive changes going on at their moms. This is the first time I have openly said this, but Cliff filed for custody of his kids because he was afraid of the influences they were being faced with at their moms, when they were there. He temporarily has custody of them and we pray each and every day that God's will is to keep the girls with us. Not that we want them to excluded from their mothers life, but unfortunately she has some issues she needs to deal with on her own before causing a traumatic past for the girls. I pray for her every day, and I know God hears my prayers. Now I am praying for her to hear God.
Being a step mom is a hard yet fulfilling thing. Raising someone else's kids, never knowing when you are overstepping your boundaries, while still trying to be a positive role model is a balancing act. Even more so that being a birth parent. When I said "I do" to Cliff, it was more than just to be his wife. It was to be in the girls life, to provide for them as if they were my own, to look out for their well being, and to raise polite young southern ladies who know how to say "yes, ma'am" and "thank you." I went from being single with an almost grown man, to married with 2 toddlers and an adolescent. And I have loved every minute of it.
Today we got rid of some stumps that have been in the yard since the tornado. We could have done it a long time ago but for some reason I never made the call. I think I needed the reminder for just a little while longer. I needed to remember that the past is there for a reason, and it's not too far behind me. For my friend who lost her husband, her past includes a loving father and husband. Who knows what her future holds, but she is very lucky to know that Kevin left a wonderful legacy for her kids. As far as our girls, I can only hope that I do that for them. God doesn't make mistakes, and we don't know why things happen, but our past is what forms us, and God is what molds us. Now the stumps are gone and we have mounds of shavings and dirt. It will take just a little while longer to the Earth to lose the scars of the devastation, but eventually, that will happen. I am thankful for my past. I am thankful for other peoples past. And I am thankful to realize that.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Trees all fall down and the 'nado broke the house
The tornado warning was for northern Tuscaloosa county, around the Samantha area, but he grew concerned with something he saw at the bottom of the screen. Jason Simpson, the morning meteorologist at ABC33/40 said, "North to South, if you are in Tuscaloosa County, take cover now." It was then that Cliff asked me to get Katelyn up. We got in the hall just in time....I covered her head with a pillow and her body with mine, then Cliff covered me with his body. He asked me, "Do you hear that?" It was the roar of the tornado. I screamed. The crashing began. I prayed. I thought we were going to die. It lasted only seconds, but tremendous damage was done. There was a tree in Drake's room and I could hear water flowing into the house.
Cliff said we had to leave. I was terrified. There was still lightening outside, but other than the flashes, it was dark. All I knew was that we couldn't drive, and it wasn't safe to stay in our home since we didn't know the extent of the damage. We walked, and walked, and climbed through trees until we could finally get to a vehicle. Brusied, battered, soaking wet, and visibly shaken, we started our day.
But that was just the beginning...tornado warnings were issued all day for many places in Alabama. Around 3:00 when I got a message that Tuscaloosa County was under another warning, I knew I had to find a safe place. I packed a backpack for us and we went to our dear friend's home--The Vandiver's. Watching the tornado that was hitting the city of Tuscaloosa made me physically ill. Still being shell-shocked from the storm that woke us, I was terrified for my family, and mostly my son, whom I had sent to stay with his Gran for the night. Every indication was that he was going to take a direct hit from the storm. Thankfully, he was safe and miles away, but then our attention turned to the fact that the storm was headed straight for Brookwood, where our girls were. Once we were certain that everyone was safe, we felt a little better, but hearing that our town looked like a bomb went off it it brought forth new emotions.
Our gym was gone, as well as Chuck E. Cheese...where we were supposed to attend a birthday party in just a few days. But then the reality set in that there were people, potentially children, in these places that were destroyed. All in all, there were over 40 people that died in the Tuscaloosa storm. A large number, but a number that could have easily been much higher.
Thanks to a multitude of voluneteers and wonderful friends, we were finally able to get our vehicles out the next day, about 36 hours from the time the storm hit. I was a mess, not knowing where to even begin. Sometimes still, I have those feelings. Feeling helpless and homeless.
About a week after the storm, the girls came to stay with us. I had to go by the house to get clothes and other necessities for the girls. I told Aubree, our two year old, she could come inside, but she had to be sure not to touch ANYTHING and stay by my side at all times. She was in shock as soon as we turned down our road. Her first response, "Trees all fall down." I told her yes, the trees are all gone. Then we went inside. "OH MY GOODNESS!!" followed by "The 'nado hit the house and broke it." But it touched my heart when she was concerned with "Drake's bed's gone, where is he sleeping?" She was so concerned for Drake and his bed and his room, and the compassion of a two year olds feelings were very apparent.
Tomorrow morning will be six weeks since the 'nado broke our house, and hopefully, the contruction to make repairs will start tomorrow or Thursday. Over the past six weeks, I have learned many things....A few are:
- The 'nado may have broken the house, but it has made my relationship with my husband and family and friends so much stronger.
- I have found out the true spirit of giving and genuine concern for others.
- I have found out that I have far more true friends than I ever thought possible.
- and God has a plan for us, and if we sit back and trust in HIM, he will reveal it in His time, not mine.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
What's in a name?
Mommyca....one of the most endearing terms I know. Aubree, or Boo Boo, couldn't say my name for the longest time. She called me Anca, Onca, or anything else that just kind of came out. Then she started calling me Mommica. It was so sweet. To her, it was just a word, but to me, it was a recognition that she saw me as a mother figure. Once she began calling her mother Mommy, Mommyca was soon to follow.
She knows the difference in us. She knows who her mom is and the place I have in her life. But I am her Mommyca, and I will always be. It's hard when the girls are here, but it's even harder when they go home. Not hearing them laugh, or play, or even fight makes things so quiet. Not that I mind the occasional break, but I don't know a parent in the world that doesn't mind a break from their kids, but there comes a point....about five minutes after they are gone...that you think to yourself, "Well, what do I do now?"
Seventeen years ago, I became a mom, and I have been an "acting" mom to many kids that have come in and out of my life along the way. From kids who's parents worked crazy hours, to kids that really didn't have a stable family life, and even to some of my friends, I have always played Mom. It's what I was born to do, who I was born to be. There is no better job in the world, so if I'm Mom, Momma, Mommy, Anca, Mommica, or Mommyca, I'm somebody to a child and to me, there are not too many things much better.
She knows the difference in us. She knows who her mom is and the place I have in her life. But I am her Mommyca, and I will always be. It's hard when the girls are here, but it's even harder when they go home. Not hearing them laugh, or play, or even fight makes things so quiet. Not that I mind the occasional break, but I don't know a parent in the world that doesn't mind a break from their kids, but there comes a point....about five minutes after they are gone...that you think to yourself, "Well, what do I do now?"
Seventeen years ago, I became a mom, and I have been an "acting" mom to many kids that have come in and out of my life along the way. From kids who's parents worked crazy hours, to kids that really didn't have a stable family life, and even to some of my friends, I have always played Mom. It's what I was born to do, who I was born to be. There is no better job in the world, so if I'm Mom, Momma, Mommy, Anca, Mommica, or Mommyca, I'm somebody to a child and to me, there are not too many things much better.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
My First Ever Blog....EVER!
So now that everyone else in the world has a blog, I guess it's time for me to get in on the action. Actually, after thinking about it for a while, this is a really good place to chronicle the kids lives, and mine as a newlywed and a step mom to three beautiful daughters.
It was last year that my life changed in a way that I never imagined possible. After reconnecting with an old boyfriend, and realizing that it's hard to light an old flame, I re-met someone else from my past. I use that term because, although we knew each other before, our lives never really collided. We had the same friends...in fact one of his closest friends is married to one of my best friends, but apparently the timing of us getting to know each other was never really right. Late on May 4, I got a "FaceBook wall post" that simply said "Happy Birthday." It was my first birthday wish. I happened to be online and responded with a thank you. Over the next couple of days, I thought about that greeting and wondered if he really remembered me. I never had enough self esteem to realize that people actually knew who I was. I always thought I was someone who flew under the radar. He then posed a question on FaceBook "Does a perfect relationship exist?" I answered in the only way I knew possible--that a perfect relationship does exist, but we need to redifine our definition of perfect.
Seeing that we had another mutual friend, my "walking buddy", of course I had to find out all the background. So she and I talked about him while we walked. On May 7th, I got a message from him that started a beautiful friendship. We talked about our past and what we were going through at the time. He has three daughters, and was at the end of a nine year marriage. I have a 16 year old son and had just filed for divorce. I fought hard not to become attracted to him, but it was impossible from the word go. I thought about him day and night. I tried to trick myself into thinking that I actually wanted to see other people, but in actuality, I couldn't wait to get home to call or text him. I know...kind of high schoolish...but I was hooked. My walking buddy arranged a barbeque so that we could hang out with a group, but we couldn't wait. I intived him over for dinner on a Monday and never wanted him to leave. That Thursday, we went on our first date...a shopping trip to find a dress to wear to my niece's rehersal dinner and wedding. We laughed and had a blast, and I knew that I had something special that I needed to take care of.
After my niece's wedding, I was supposed to go hang out with him. I walked out to my vehicle and it won't start. I think to myself, "Well, isn't this wonderful!" So after multiple attempts to get my truck to crank, I finally sent the dreaded text. It simply stated "car trouble." My phone immediately rang. It was him. He was ready to come to my rescue. Of course, all of my family was there, but here was someone that had no obligation to help me that actually wanted to. And I wanted him to. How was I to say no?? So after determining that I have a dead battery and my truck isn't moving, we decided to go back to his house. We talked and laughed and talked and laughed and he took away all the concerns of my abandoned vehicle. In fact, he took away all of my concerns. I felt so relaxed, so "at home." In fact, I have been home ever since. Never in my life have I felt like I belong. In his arms, I know I do.
It was last year that my life changed in a way that I never imagined possible. After reconnecting with an old boyfriend, and realizing that it's hard to light an old flame, I re-met someone else from my past. I use that term because, although we knew each other before, our lives never really collided. We had the same friends...in fact one of his closest friends is married to one of my best friends, but apparently the timing of us getting to know each other was never really right. Late on May 4, I got a "FaceBook wall post" that simply said "Happy Birthday." It was my first birthday wish. I happened to be online and responded with a thank you. Over the next couple of days, I thought about that greeting and wondered if he really remembered me. I never had enough self esteem to realize that people actually knew who I was. I always thought I was someone who flew under the radar. He then posed a question on FaceBook "Does a perfect relationship exist?" I answered in the only way I knew possible--that a perfect relationship does exist, but we need to redifine our definition of perfect.
Seeing that we had another mutual friend, my "walking buddy", of course I had to find out all the background. So she and I talked about him while we walked. On May 7th, I got a message from him that started a beautiful friendship. We talked about our past and what we were going through at the time. He has three daughters, and was at the end of a nine year marriage. I have a 16 year old son and had just filed for divorce. I fought hard not to become attracted to him, but it was impossible from the word go. I thought about him day and night. I tried to trick myself into thinking that I actually wanted to see other people, but in actuality, I couldn't wait to get home to call or text him. I know...kind of high schoolish...but I was hooked. My walking buddy arranged a barbeque so that we could hang out with a group, but we couldn't wait. I intived him over for dinner on a Monday and never wanted him to leave. That Thursday, we went on our first date...a shopping trip to find a dress to wear to my niece's rehersal dinner and wedding. We laughed and had a blast, and I knew that I had something special that I needed to take care of.
After my niece's wedding, I was supposed to go hang out with him. I walked out to my vehicle and it won't start. I think to myself, "Well, isn't this wonderful!" So after multiple attempts to get my truck to crank, I finally sent the dreaded text. It simply stated "car trouble." My phone immediately rang. It was him. He was ready to come to my rescue. Of course, all of my family was there, but here was someone that had no obligation to help me that actually wanted to. And I wanted him to. How was I to say no?? So after determining that I have a dead battery and my truck isn't moving, we decided to go back to his house. We talked and laughed and talked and laughed and he took away all the concerns of my abandoned vehicle. In fact, he took away all of my concerns. I felt so relaxed, so "at home." In fact, I have been home ever since. Never in my life have I felt like I belong. In his arms, I know I do.
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